Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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