It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
