I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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