We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
