I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
