He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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