My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
