This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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