Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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