How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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