I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
