Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
