I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
