This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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