Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
