You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
