so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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