New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize