i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
