thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
