I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
