It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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