remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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