I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
