He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
