My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
