waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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