Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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