It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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