Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize