Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
