his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
