well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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