Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
