Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
