Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
