walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
