You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
