Your face is a jimmy john
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
please don't ironically join a cult
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