I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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