We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
