Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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