Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
