i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
