This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
