Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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