Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
