what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
