I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
