I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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