How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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