Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
