CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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