You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
