The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
