He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
