it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
