was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
