i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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