He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
