Your face is a jimmy john
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
