I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
her vagine was all disorganized.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
