dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
