new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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