Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You can't just leave with hair like that
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
