the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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