How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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