Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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