I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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