He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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