I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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