So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
