How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You did what with his pubic hair?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
