She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
