To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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