why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
