The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
