Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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