just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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