your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just cut my nipple shaving
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Randomize
