I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize