Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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