mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
