He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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