I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
