Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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