Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
