So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
