Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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