its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
