I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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