I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
