He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
