I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize