I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
