My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
