i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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